Grocery Store Nightmares

Why is the Grocery Store such a nightmare?

Okay, why is the grocery store such a nightmare when you take your 2 kids?

I know this. Yet, for some unknown, non-sensical reason I attempt to take my kids with me to the grocery store. The oldest one is mostly okay - he stays relatively close by and helps put things in the cart on the third time I ask him (did you sense the sarcasm there?). It's the walking with the head down and standing in the way when I'm clearly turning the cart...can't he predict my next move with the cart?

And the cart...well, let's start there. Clearly, Brennan is too big to ride IN the cart. But, Evan wants to be like his big brother and walk too. But this is not yet an option as this will increase risk of running. So, I, on occasion, will opt for the giant cart with the race car attached to the front. In hopes this will entice the Preschooler to stay in the cart for an extended period of time. This ALWAYS back fires on me. As the car is closer to the ground and a faster means of escape.

Today, after work I had to pick the boys up from school. Duh. But - then I had to go grocery shopping. I have lists - e-mealz.com lists, grocery game lists and other essentials lists. Plus, I'm working with coupons in one hand and some in my purse. I had to go to the grocery store so there would be something for dinner that evening as everything we had was frozen rock solid in the freezer and it was 4:00. Surely, this could be a quick trip to Kroger, right? Wrong.

1. I attempt the giant car cart - epic failure. Evan immediately jumps out because he wants to "help". So then I look like a complete moron steering this monstrosity throughout the store with no child riding in it. I then look like more of a complete moron as I continuously say, "Evan get in the car....now....PLEASE"!

2. Produce section first - epic failure. The boys suddenly want a lesson in various types of fruits and vegetables - plus touch them all. (And why is the store soooo busy on a Tuesday afternoon?)

3. Lists - failure. This wasn't a complete "epic" failure because in the end I did save $20 something on my bill...plus everything for the week was under $100. BUT, the lists kept blowing out of my hand or cart having to stop and pick them up off the floor. Also, trying to juggle 3 lists and coupons was more than my overly-tired-why-am-I-doing-this-brain could handle.

4. Time - epic failure. Time was not on my side. This ended up not being a quick trip and when my time ran out - it really ran out. Meaning Evan decided to escape from the giant car cart and started running at full speed down the frozen food aisle and turning the corner. I attempt to push the giant car cart a little faster in hopes to catch up - but this blew my three lists on the floor, Brennan was dragging behind because he's still looking at his feet as he walks and the lady we kept passing on every other previous aisle says "oh, there he goes". Nice. Like I hadn't noticed. Maybe she could have stuck a leg out to trip him to help a Mommy out.

5. The Seatbelt - epic failure. I catch the little booger - after I almost knock down an end-cap display and strap him into the car cart seatbelt. This begins the yowling at the top of his lungs "OWWWW"! The kid is not hurt - but he is smart enough to know that he will get a bigger reaction if he acts like he is hurting. So, every person in the lunch meat section is staring at me like I'm ignoring my child's cries for help because he is in pain. I happen to see a Mom (who I had made cupcakes for her kids birthday once) and she says "Hi, how are you?" Not in the mood to play nice, I said "I've been better." (As shrill yells are coming from my car cart). She says back, "oh, yes, I hate taking the kids to the grocery store." Isn't she wise?

6. The Checkout - epic failure. After 45 minutes of this self-inflicted torture I finally head to the checkout. There is 1 lane open with 5 customers all lined up (again, why is Kroger suddenly so busy?). Evan is still screaming and now attempting to escape. I have a basket full of stuff and I'm going to have to stand here forever?!!! They open another lane and kindly ask if I want to go first....after zipping over there, Evan has finally Houdini'd his way out of the seatbelt. He wants to help put things on the conveyor but he is so pissed he is chunking them and throwing them up there. I try and redirect him...but this causes him to take off out the front door of the store. I leave everything behind - as the checkout guy is asking me if I have a Kroger Card - and go running after him. He quickly found himself strapped into the cart part - but this causes even louder screams than before. "Jesus, God, just get me out of here!"

So, that sums up why I hate the grocery store. And just think - I still had to come home, unload the groceries, put them away and then start dinner.

I'm having a glass of wine now.